Wounds of the Past
by phoq
Summary: Set through the events in the first KotOR game, this story explores the various relationships between the characters. A view into their heads and hearts as the future unfolds...
1. Chapter 01

I'd like to thank Jiara and Kyla, for reading and correcting my mistakes and giving me precious suggestions. Without their help and support, I don't think I could've done it. :) Disclaimer: All characters belong to LucasArts and Bioware. Only Artemis' personality is mine.

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They had found it, finally. Another Star Map. It seemed almost like a curse how these artefacts tend to be found in remote and dangerous places: the lair of a krayt dragon on Tatooine, the depths of the oversized jungle of Kashyyyk… And somehow, she knew it wouldn't get any better. They hadn't collected all the Star Maps yet…

"Only two left!" said the man jogging next to her between two breaths, somehow thinking along the same lines that she did. She nodded, acknowledging, and was about to reply something witty when she stopped dead in her tracks. Something was wrong. Her companions froze, all senses reaching. Normal senses, that is. She closed her eyes, reaching with her sixth sense, better known as the Force. She felt her presence first, her wounds and exhaustion. Then came the life forces of her two friends, the huge Mandalorian and the soldier. She felt their wounds; the Mandalorian's progressive healing due to his Regen Implant. The soldier was favouring one of his legs and his breath was uneven. Then she felt the ground… and there was the _disturbance_. Part of it, at least, had taken the form of a hidden trap laid on the ground below the surface leaves and peat, a few feet away from where the soldier had stopped. She stretched her mind further and the presence of other men made itself clear. Where her eyes were failing her, the Force wouldn't.

She opened her eyes slowly, feeling her muscles tensing and adrenaline level rising. She felt her friends tense as well. The soldier, his thoughts once again level with hers, mumbled something about "it" never being an easy ride. She smiled. The invisible enemy chose that moment to reveal themselves and attack the trio. She ducked the vibroblade the man slashed over her head -a man that hadn't been there a split second before- before swinging her elbow in his floating ribs. The impact on the armor made her wince, but she heard the unpleasant crunching noise the fractured bones had made. Her blow had been hard, perhaps a little too much, and her whole arm felt numb. She used her other hand to untie her lightsaber from her belt and delivered blow after blow, dodging and parrying, until the fighter fell. She turned to another enemy, and used this short moment to take her second lightsaber with her formerly-numb hand. She let the rush of battle run through her, acting without thinking, instinctively doing what was right.

She stopped when the last enemy fell. Her battle trance phased out and she blinked back to reality. Unconscious or dead men littered the ground, six or seven of them. They wore Mandalorian armors. Her stare turned to the Mandalorian on her team, who was using his booted foot to turn one of the men over on his back. He made a deprecating sound before kneeling beside the man and scavenging whatever they could still use. She sighed and kneeled before another man, untying his armor, weapons, belts, anything that could be sold or used. From the corner of her eyes, she saw that the other man on her team, the soldier, was approaching her, or rather the corpse next to the one she was scavenging. He kneeled painfully and set to the task. He caught her glance, their eyes locking for a half-second, before returning to their respective cadavers. She pretended to be struggling with an armor strap and closed her eyes, opening her mind to the Force. She reached to him, to his body, his life force. She felt the dislocated kneecap as an element misplaced in the web of the Force. She pulled the strings, relocating the bones and tissues, healing the wound. The same was done for the broken ribs he had inherited from an encounter with katarns. Judging that he should be able to live a few more hours with the few scratches, burns and cuts left, she pulled back and continued her search for reusable equipment.

They had just finished gathering all their loot. The woman stretched out, letting out a groan of pain when a stressed muscle protested. She looked at her companions, who looked back at her. Something suddenly snapped back to her attention.

"What is it?" asked the ever-perceptive soldier.

"I forgot," she replied, "but there's a trap just over there… I think it would be best to avoid it." There was a sarcastic edge in her voice.

"No, really?" answered the soldier, a smile on his lips.

They were interrupted by another voice.

"Ah, I should've known! You kids can't behave when nobody's watching you! Look at this mess…"

"Hey, old man! You missed all the fun…" she teased him, smiling broadly.

The older man smiled back, wrinkles creasing around his eyes. "Now let's get out of this place. My arthritis is killing me…"

"If you say so, but let's get rid of this trap first…"

She kneeled beside the trap and was about to start disarming it when a low growling interrupted her.

'Let me undo this, woman.' The Wookiee from the elevator had stepped in and was currently disarming and removing the trap. The woman backed off, her arms raised in an innocent manner. "Convenient" she muttered to no one in particular, though she heard chuckles. The Wookiee rose, the remnants of an evil-looking trap in his hands, and motioned them toward the elevator. They followed him, eager to leave the place before more trouble showed up.

They dumped their extra equipment on the floor of the primitive elevator. The Mandalorian sat down heavily and his weight rocked the rising nacelle from one side to the other. Their Wookiee guide shot him an angry look that he ignored completely.

"Don't mind me," he said roughly, "I'm gonna sleep these scratches off. And besides, the ride is boring," Without further ado, he settled himself propped on the pile of armors and dozed off.

The old man sat down, complaining about his old this and that. After what seemed like an unending struggle, he finally stopped muttering and said that for once he would follow the example of the not-so-young-anymore, and he slipped into Jedi meditation.

The soldier and the woman exchanged a glance. She shrugged and sat down, followed shortly by him. He grabbed a stray Medpac and opened it.

"Thanks," he said, unwrapping a pack of kolto-saturated compresses.

She stared at him, puzzled.

"The… healing," he explained. "Thanks."

"Oh, _that_…" she shrugged it off, "it was nothing."

She smiled at him and he couldn't help but smile back. That was so characteristic of her; a smile so contagious it spreads to everyone around her, remote or close, faster than a plague. She laid back, resting in the aftermath of the jungle events, and he returned to his kolto compresses.

He looked warily at one of his hands and winced. The said hand was shaking uncontrollably and there were unhealthy burns through the gloves. He had taken a bad blaster shot just below the wrist. He removed the glove carefully and assessed the damage. Apparently, the woman caught his grimace and she leaned toward him slowly.

"Mhm, that's not good."

"Nu-huh," he replied.

"Can I take a look at it?" she asked.

He nodded and she took the Medpac from him.

"Let's see…" she muttered to herself. She examined the wound very carefully, not wanting to cause him any extra pain. While she busied herself with his wound, he let his eyes wander. Her hands were calloused and rough, yet agile. Her nails were dirty and uneven. She had a scar on her right thumb. He followed her arm, noticed that one of the straps on her armor was broken. Behind her, the Mandalorian stirred but didn't wake up. His eyes returned to the woman. Her hair was a mess; with the occasional leaf here and there, mud and sweat tarnishing its natural glow. Her eyes were focused on his hand, brow furrowed in concentration. He noticed that her ears were pierced. Another small scar just below her ear. A sharp sting on his hand brought him back to his wound. She had just put some kolto compresses on the wound and was now wrapping his hand with gauze. She raised her head and looked at him apologetically. He saw her close her eyes softly, like when she entered her Jedi trance. _Not this time, gorgeous_, he thought. He reached for her chin with his free hand, interrupting her before she sunk too deep into Jedi meditation. She opened her eyes, surprised.

"Keep your strength, you look like you need it as much as I do," he explained. "We'll fix this burn on the Hawk, no hurry."

She pouted, amusement in her eyes. The spark disappeared quickly though and she frowned, her glance fixed on his forehead.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You've got a nasty cut there. Don't move."

She took a compress and raised herself on her knees to have a better look at the cut. He felt the cold sting of the kolto on his skin. He looked absent-mindedly at her breastplate, dirt spots here and there, dried blood, scratches, until the realization that this was her _breast_plate struck him. Not that he hadn't seen anything like it before, but it still felt embarrassing or disrespectful to be staring fixedly at a woman's armoured chest. Since she was almost blocking his view, he simply closed his eyes, breathing in the mixed scents of the jungle, blaster oil, drying blood and, most of all, her perfume.

A sudden tug on the elevator's rope made the nacelle swing. Losing her balance, she tumbled over him. He was taken by surprise and all he could manage was to fall back, cushioning her fall. He was stuck under her weight, his head level with her neck, pain coming in waves from his burnt hand that was pressed between their bodies. The Mandalorian woke, took his repeating blaster and shot in the air at whatever had caused the disturbance. The Wookiee started roaring after the Mandalorian.

'Human fool!' The huge creature started toward the man.

"Shut up, carpet!" Apparently, Wookiees don't intimidate Mandalorians.

The Wookiee growled aggressively, pointing his bowcaster towards the Mandalorian. He was interrupted when something fell loudly on the floor of the elevator. The woman wrinkled her nose.

"Eww. What's that?" _That thing really is disgusting_, she thought.

"Supper," answered the old man, no longer meditating. She chuckled.

A whisper reached her ears.

"Artie, not that I dislike the position but my hand hurts."

She returned her eyes to the soldier, acknowledging their entanglement with a start. She scrambled back to her feet and moved toward the dead creature. She nudged it with her boot. It was rather squishy, aside from the part that was now burnt crispy.

"Yuck."

The Mandalorian cut in. "That thing was gnawing at the cable."

She eyed him, a smirk on her face. "Good reflexes." He smiled back.

"We're almost there," the soldier said, pointing up.

She looked up and saw the shape of the walkways. A feeling of dread seized her, and she looked apprehensively at the approaching platform. They slowly levelled with it. The Wookiee anchored the elevator to the platform and waited for his cargo to get off. Another woman was waiting on the walkways, a Jedi, according to the double-bladed lightsaber hanging from her belt. She was sided with a young blue twi'lek, who was nervously playing with one of her headtails.

"So," the woman said dryly.

"Well, we're alive…" started the soldier.

"Not _that_, Carth," retorted the woman, "The Star Map. Have you found it?" She turned her face toward the armor-wearing woman. "So, Artemis?"

Artemis, Artie for short, sighed and forced a smile. "Of course we found it Bastila; we wouldn't have come back if we hadn't found it…"

"Good." The other woman, Bastila, was a bit shorter than Artemis, but her stare was strong and unforgiving.

"And look Bastila," Artemis added, "I even brought back an extra." She gestured toward the old man, who was now standing and painfully stretching his back.

"Oh, _great,_" Bastila said, rolling her eyes, "another mouth to feed."

The old man looked at her, startled.

"It's also a great pleasure meeting you, milady Bastila. I'm Jolee Bindo." He hadn't even tried to hide the amusement in his voice. She looked back at him sharply and was about to answer something when the Mandalorian's low voice interrupted her.

"What's the plan now?"

"Well," Carth said "Let's get off this thing first. Mission, come and give us a hand unloading all that stuff." He gestured toward the small mound of armor and goods.

The young twi'lek nodded and reached for the closest Mandalorian armor. She seemed relieved to have something to busy herself with. They finished emptying the floor of the elevator quite quickly.

Artemis looked at each one of them and stopped her eyes on Bastila. "What's our mission status?"

The other woman glanced back at her. Her face froze in concentration for a second. "Well, we have the Star Map. There are only the internal matters of the Wookiee village left to solve, I believe."

"Zaalbar!" blurted the twi'lek.

Artemis looked at her, noticing the worry that was obvious on the young girl's face. Zaalbar was the twi'lek's wookiee friend. They had been together during harsh times and were now practically inseparable. Mission and Big Z. Artemis smiled at the girl. _This was almost done_, she thought. _Almost_. There was only the family feud left to resolve. This realization lent her strength. She smiled at her team.

"Mission, you're coming with me and Bastila to settle this." Before Bastila could voice any opposition, Artemis went on. "Canderous, Carth, carry all this stuff back to the Hawk. Jolee, see if you can get anything done for _supper_." She eyed the carcass of the creature with a smile, which Jolee returned. She went on. "I _really_ hope to be done for supper, you know…" She pushed Bastila forward, Mission on her heels.

The three men left on the walkways resumed their activity. The soldier, Carth, his hands on his task but his eyes on the women, heard Jolee mutter something about women that had them laugh. Then, as ordered, they headed toward their ship, the Ebon Hawk.


	2. Chapter 02

Once again, thanks to Kyla and Jiara, and to everyone who took some time to leave me a review :)   
Disclaimer: This part features some dialog taken from the game. KotOR is copyright to LucasArts and Bioware.  
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He still couldn't believe it. _It's impossible_, he thought, though in his heart he truly hoped it was possible and indeed true.

_Hope_.

It had been a very long time since he had felt that…hopeful.  
_Really?_ his mind nagged him. _What about Taris?_ _Remember the woman who was about to die from the escape pod crash..? _He chased the thought away. This was about his _son_. The same son he had believed killed in the bombardment of Telos. This was different from anything else. His son was alive. _His son_.

He bumped into a Czerka officer. The man cursed after him while he mumbled excuses. He resumed his train of thoughts while securing his hold with his good hand on the package he was carrying. He still couldn't believe it. Unconsciously, his mind replayed for him the events that had taken place about an hour ago

He was bargaining with the Czerka employee to lower the overly inflated price of a box of various medications. "Now you're telling that _this_ is regular price? Are you c—"

"Carth! Carth Onasi, is that you?" Carth turned around and looked at the owner of that voice. It was a man, dark skin, dark hair…

He _did_ ring a bell… "Jordo?" he risked.

"It _is_ you, isn't it? I knew it when I laid eyes on you!" The man, Jordo, laughed, "You old spacedog, how have you been? I thought for sure you'd be fighting on some ship out there."

"I was. I crashed," answered Carth, matter-of-factly.

The other man laughed. "That's pretty rich. I can't imagine what it would take to keep you on the ground. Would probably have something to do with a pretty set of womanly eyes…"

That brought unwanted memories to Carth's mind. He chased them away, " So, what are you doing here, Jordo? The last time I saw you was on, um... well, Telos, actually." _So much for a change in subject_, he thought bitterly.

"Yeah... it's a shame about home. Telos still hasn't recovered. The family and I moved on, and I'm working for Czerka now." Jordo looked at him, smiling, "I didn't see you after..." His voice trailed off, his smile fading "Er, what I mean is, my condolences on your wife. I heard what happened." Jordo's eyes dropped.

Carth looked away, still trying to fight back the sweet yet unwanted memories of his wife. Sadness seeped through him.

Jordo tried to cheer him up, "At least your boy made it through alright."

Carth's mind reeled back into reality. "My... boy? You mean... _Dustil_?"

The other man nodded. "Yes, of course. I saw him at my last stop, on Korriban, though he didn't recognize me."

Carth's throat had gone as dry as the surface of Tatooine, his mind on playback; _my son is alive? _

Jordo saw his struck expression. "You... didn't know he was there!"

_Do I look like I knew? _"No! Jordo, Dustil has been missing since the attack on Telos! Are you... are you absolutely certain it was him!" He was frantic.

The other man looked at him in the eyes. "Yeah. I'd recognize Dustil anywhere. Positive." He dropped his gaze. "He's, uh... he's joined the Sith, Carth..."

Dustil is alive, and _with the_ _Sith_? That sounded too much like a very unpleasant joke.

"What do you mean he's joined the Sith?"

Jordo replied. "There's an academy for the Sith on Korriban," he explained. "He's a student there. I saw him suited up in their outfit and everything. Sorry... I thought you knew."

"No... no, I... I didn't," he replied, his whisper barely audible.

That was so… so _surreal_. He had hoped, wished, dreamed to see his boy alive for years. Since no body had been recovered on Telos, he had thought that his only son must've been somewhere -anywhere- and he had done everything he could to find him, without any success. And now, now that he had abandoned the search -believing him dead-, someone he hadn't seen for years comes to him on a lost planet and tells him is son is actually _alive_?

He looked at Jordo. The man had a crestfallen look.

Carth smiled at him, "Well, thanks for telling me, Jordo."

"Sure, no problem" he looked up at Carth. "Good to see you again, Carth. Hope everything works out with Dustil." They both smiled, and parted.

Carth was, once again, not looking at where he was going. As a result, he bumped into someone for the second time. This time, it was Canderous, the Mandalorian on their team, who was making some basic repairs on the Hawk's hull.

"Hey, flyboy, look where you're going" he said, stating the obvious. Carth was indeed too lost in his own thoughts to even notice what did or did not block his view. He muttered something unintelligible and entered the Ebon Hawk. Canderous shook his head with a chuckle and returned to his repairs.

Inside, he went into the small medbay, where he found the Cathar woman, Juhani. She was currently checking the list of the medical supplies on the Ebon Hawk. She turned with her trademark fluidity and looked at him curiously. He placed his package on the single hospital bed, avoiding her scrutinizing eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, in her lilting voice.

He looked into her yellow eyes. Calmness radiated from her, so much different from when they had first met her on Dantooine. He sat down on the floor, his back against the doorframe. He absent-mindedly ran his wounded hand through his hair and had to suppress a grimace. Juhani, still eyeing him, opened the box and unpacked its contents on the bed.

Carth raised his eyes to meet hers. "You heard about my wife and my son, right?" he asked, his voice hardly much more than a whisper. She nodded and he went on. "I… I just met with a friend from Telos. He told me that he had seen my son, alive and well, on Korriban."

Juhani's face lit up. She smiled at him, "That's good news Carth! Korriban is on our route, we may have time to look into it when we get th--"

He cut her short, "I can't wait Juhani! It's been four years! _Four years_! I _have_ to get there, the sooner the better! I must talk with Artemis as soon as she gets back. Perhaps we might change our course to go to Korriban next, instead of Manaan…" He trailed off, seeing Juhani's worried expression.

"Carth," she said softly "speaking with Artemis is what you must do, but I ask of you to wait until tomorrow." She ignored the fact that he was about to retort something and went on. "I'm happy to hear that your son is alive and I'm sure everyone will be glad to hear it. What I'm worried about is… Artemis."

Carth closed his mouth, concern dawning on his face, "What's wrong with her?" He paused, considering, "…Aside from the fact that she looks completely exhausted…" He cursed quietly.

Juhani's ears flickered at the word. "So you noticed too" she said, lowering her voice. He placed his hand –the wounded one, again- over his closed eyes. "Of course I noticed. Those shadows under her eyes are hard to miss…" _Yet she always smiles to everyone… to me, _he mentally added.

Juhani nodded again. "I don't think she sleeps well… She gets up often, mutters and even thrashes in her sleep sometimes. She fell off her bed few nights ago."

_Like Taris_.

They looked at each other in silence.

"What do you suggest..?" he whispered.

She kneeled beside him, putting down the containers and small packages she had selected from the bigger box he had brought in. "Give me your hand" she ordered softly. He complied. She unwrapped the gauze, the activity a catalyst for both their thinking mind.

He remembered when Artemis had cleaned and bandaged the wound, the worry that was etched on her features momentarily erasing her apparent fatigue. How she always cared for everyone, helped everyone. She had helped Mission's brother on Tatooine. _She will help me find Dustil_, he thought with an undeniable certainty. She had even helped Bastila settle things with her sick mother. She gives money to people in need, tends to extra chores just to _help_. And it will go on like this. _Quite uncommon_, his mind told him, _yet who really knows about Jedis?_

Juhani's voice broke in, "She does what her heart decides to be right. She cares a lot for people, for her friends. She wouldn't have gone through all that she did, all that she will, if she didn't think it was important."

Carth nodded, "Yet we are taking a heavy toll on her."

"Everyone is. Much more than our lives is at stake here." She raised her eyes from his wounded hand and looked at him helplessly, "I don't know what to do. Jedi do meditate, train themselves in the way of the Force. I feel her… lost, losing." She frowned, "She is strong, but I don't want to see her that way. We have to support her too, in the same way she is always there for us." She finished the new bandage on his hand.

Something stirred in Carth's mind, "I agree, but I don't think the strain is coming as much from us as it comes from… _her_," he said darkly.

Juhani's eyes grew hard, "Bastila is leading us in this-- "

Carth interrupted her, "As much as she leads us, Juhani, I don't think she is responsible for holding this... this motley crew together." She looked at him questioningly.

"Tell me Juhani, why are you here?" Comprehension spread on the Cathar's face.

"Because I want to redeem myself to the light. Artemis made me see the truth. I'm here… because of her," she admitted.

Carth rambled on, "Canderous is here because of her; he admires her strength and intelligence. Zaalbar vowed a life-debt to her because she saved him. HK-47 has claimed her his master. Even that old man, Jolee, is here because she convinced him to join us. Mission, T3… hell, even Bastila is here due to Artemis." He rose to his feet, "And all Bastila ever does is boss us around, report to the Enclave, complain about this and that and praise the Jedi way of life!" Anger was rising in him. He paused, trying to calm himself.

Juhani rose, her eyes still on him, "I think… you might be right, in some way. There is some wisdom in your words. I'll speak to Bastila."

His anger faded and he managed a smile. "Thank you Juhani. Keep me posted on this matter."

He made to leave the medbay but she called after him, "Carth, what about you? Why are you here?"

He stopped and looked at her, a genuine smile on his face.  
"Who, me? I'm no exception; I'm here for her."


	3. Chapter 03

It was already well into the night as they made their way back to the Ebon Hawk. Artemis' pace was steady. As much as she enjoyed the fresh night air of Kashyyyk, Bastila's never-ending speech kind of ruined the experience. The woman had started talking when they left the village and she somehow couldn't find an end to whatever she was talking about. Artemis wasn't paying much attention to her, mostly because all she could think of was food and her bed. Mission was already fast asleep, carried back to the Hawk in the arms of her Wookiee friend. The Wookiee seemed annoyed as well by the constant droning and it was somehow a good thing that his arms were busy right now. All he could do was moan now and then. Inwardly, Artemis laughed at the idea of Bastila being thrown down the walkways by an angry Wookiee; she was so sure that the woman would talk all her way down… She must've missed a conversation cue, because now Bastila had stopped talking and was looking expectantly at her.

"Ah… hum, I…" She really couldn't remember what the other woman was talking about. "Oh, I'm sorry Bastila. There's no use pretending: I wasn't listening to you."  
She ignored the indignant look on her face and went on. "It's just that… that I'm completely exhausted. This whole mess took a lot more time than I would've thought…" _Because of you_, she added mentally. Bastila had insisted that they talk the succession and leadership of the village through and through. Succession was supposed to fall on Zaalbar, but now wasn't the time to assume it. They would still need his strength –and, incidentally, Mission's skills- if they wanted to go through this whole quest alive. Even though this process was necessary, it took a whole chunk of the evening she had wanted to spend playing pazaak and relaxing in the common room on the Hawk._ No pazaak_, Artemis thought bitterly.

Bastila cut in her line of thought, the indignant look still lingering on her face. "We'll need all the rest we can get tonight, we have to leave early tomorrow and we still have some matters to attend on Kashyyyk."

Artemis frowned. "Which matters?" She hid her discontent behind a wan smile. "I thought we were done."

"No no no" the other woman shook her head. "We have to contact the Enclave and check if we have everything for our trip to Manaan. We also…" There she goes again. Artemis felt her mind cloud itself from the incessant rain of words.

She heard the Wookiee mutter softly, 'We're almost to the Ebon Hawk.'

She looked up and saw the friendly shape or their ship.  
"There we are!" she said, interrupting Bastila in her lecture. She walked faster, relief from finally being 'home' surging through her. She entered the Hawk, eager for a good meal and hot shower. They were indeed very late for supper, but she saw leftovers on the table, wrapped and waiting for them. She smiled, her heart warming at the attention. _I love my crewmembers_, she thought happily. She entered the hangar and started removing her armor. It needed a lot of repairs, after what it had been through recently. She would leave it near the workbench for Mission to work on it tomorrow. For now, that would mean walking around the Hawk in her undergarment, but she didn't care. The women's quarter was close by anyway. Her next stop was the refresher. She didn't take much more time than what was needed to scrub off the dirt and dried blood from her skin. As much as she liked the contact of water, she didn't want to empty the Hawk's recycled water reservoir. She returned to the common room feeling like a new, clean yet exhausted woman. Zaalbar was eating his way through three out of the four leftovers plates.

"The last one is mine, furball" she said, smirking. She sat on a chair and unwrapped the food.

'I know', he answered between two bites. 'Mission and Bastila said that I could eat their share. They both went to sleep right away.'

"Nh-mhm" she agreed, her mouth full. The food was good, even though she could not tell what it actually was. She really hoped it wasn't the squishy creature that Canderous had downed. She finished her plate, tossed it in the washer and bade goodnight to the Wookiee. She stumbled back to her quarters and collapsed on her bed. Slumber came to her right away.

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Again, thanks to Jiara and Kyla, and the people who reviewed... :) (and I hate quickedit... brrrrr) 


	4. Chapter 04

_Not this, not again_.

She was alone. She couldn't see it, but she felt it. _Alone_. She tried calling out, but no sound came out of her mouth. It wasn't black, but it _felt_ black. She tried moving, but she had nothing to move. _No body_, she realized. She listened attentively. She couldn't hear her fellow roommates' steady breathing. _Nothing to smell or taste_, she completed mentally. All her senses were useless. _The regular ones, that is_. She reached inside her for the strongest of all her senses.

And found nothing.

Uncanny panic seized her. She couldn't feel the Force. That was impossible, she knew it was there. It had to! She made herself take long and steady breaths.

**_When you don't have neither nose nor mouth to breathe?_ **

Her terror amplified She looked around for something to cling on to.

**_But with what arms? And with what eyes do you see?_**

That little voice that was nagging her at the back of her mind; it sounded like her… _But it isn't me_, she thought.

**_Or is it? _**the voice answered It laughed. **_You-are-nothing._**

She remained silent at the latest accusation.

_**Those you call friends. They will betray you. Use you and then throw you away.**_

_They… they wouldn't!_

_**Oh yes they would. Once and again, should you ask them twice.**_

_I… I care for them!_

_**Precisely. They weaken you, scatter your power.**_

_They make me strong!_

_**Wrong! They leave you unfocused, thin. A mere toy for their disillusioned games of kings. They will –lie- to you!**_

_No…!_

_**You –can't- prevent it! It has happened and it -will- happen-again!**_

_Stop… it… _

_**You know I am right! Why do you even lie to yourself?**_

_I give freely, of my own will…I care for them… Love them…_

_**So… you –do- love him?**_

_Them._

_**That's what I said, him. No use lying to me. Pity. Tell me, what good will come of it?**_

…

_**Incriminating silence. And what about her, don't tell me you care for her?**_

_She… needs… my help._

_**Like she needs a kick in the rear end. Tss. At least you're still full of yourself.**_

…

_**You're starting to catch up I see. **_

_I don't believe you._

_**Ah, a pity I say. I'll show you.**_

She felt icy, death-cold fingers circle her heart. Her physical heart. She couldn't see them but she sure felt them. Dread filled her. The fingers played with her; brushing her heart, leaving cold and emptiness in their trails, then going away again. Torturing her. It felt like the game would go on forever.

_Stop… please…_ she pleaded.

It laughed at her, and clenched the fingers tight around her heart. She yelled in pain.

_**That's no use, they can't hear you…**_

She woke with a start, banging her head on the top bunk, the pain causing her to roll off the bed. She landed on the cold floor with a soft thud. More pain. She remained still, listening to the noise in the women's quarter. Nothing unusual. Bastila was still sleeping soundly, Mission had stirred but fell immediately back to sleep. She rolled on her back, only to see two glowing-yellow discs. She jumped then realized it was Juhani's peculiar eyes fixing on her from the top bunk. She sighed in relief.

"Artemis, are you alright?" asked the Cathar in a whisper.

"I should make it through fine…" she grunted. She looked at the other woman, feeling her concern emanating from her. "I'm alright, just a silly nightmare… thanks". She smiled. She knew the Cathar could see better in darkness than she ever would. "I'll go get myself something to drink. Go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you." She stumbled to her feet before Juhani could voice any concern and left the women's quarters. In the hallway, she noticed that she was still clutching her sheet in her hands. She draped herself in it and headed toward the storage room. She walked awkwardly; her head was throbbing from its meeting with the top bunk and she still felt the lingering effects of her nightmare. She shivered and pulled the sheet closely around her. She revelled silently in the fact that she could hear, taste, smell, touch and see again… It all had been so _real_ in her dream. She reached for the Force and was relieved to see that it was there; as it had been, as it always will be.

She entered the area of the common room only to be greeted by a familiar voice. "Hey, gorgeous… Whose snoring is keeping you awake?" Carth smiled at her and she felt the cold slowly ebbing away from her heart. He had traded his orange –rust; whatever he calls it- trademark jacket for a greyish sweater, worn over the standard-issue military undershirt. He wore his usual pants, but hadn't bothered to put on boots before leaving the men's quarter. His hair was tousled. The sight was unsettling, yet appealing. She walked in.

"No one's. I… just can't sleep" she half-lied. She didn't like lying to him, but at least, since he wasn't a Jedi, he couldn't tell…

"That ain't gonna work, beautiful."

_Seems I just can't lie_, she thought.

**_But__they will lie to you_**, her mind echoed.

Her nightmare came washing back at her in black waves and she faltered. The panic, the pain, that voice that sounded too much like her own… She placed a steadying hand on the wall. She felt dizzy, sick, and was more than grateful when Carth appeared at her side to help her reach the couch. She sat down slowly, careful not to make any sudden movement. She dropped her head in her hands.

"I'll go get you come cold water." She was just relieved to _hear_ his voice.

"Not water. Not cold." Her voice was hoarse. "Something warm… please." She looked pleadingly at him. His brow was furrowed, his eyes alert… _He is worried about me_, she realized.

He gave her a little smile. "Warm. Got it. Don't move. I'll be right back."

He entered the storage room. She could hear him moving things around and guessed he was looking for something specific. She looked in front of her. A few datapads were placed on the table. She didn't want to try reading anything right now –her brain protested violently at the idea- so she simply counted them. _One-two-thr--_ Carth passed from the storage room to the water dispenser. He was moving too fast for her, and she felt dizzy again. She returned to the very-still table and resumed her mindless counting. _Three-four-five-six… Six datapads_. She smiled stupidly.

"What's so funny?" Carth was looking at her from the dispenser. She snapped back to reality. "Oh… uh... nothing. I was just…. counting the datapads." He raised an eyebrow and eyed her suspiciously, a smile on his face.

"Here, drink this," he said, giving her a mug full of something warm. "It should help you settle things… straight. In that pretty head of yours." He winked and sat back on the couch.

She took the mug between both her hands, letting its warmth sink into her. She smelled the mixture. It smelled sweet and a touch spicy. She sampled it through hesitant lips. Not only did it taste wonderful, it actually made her _feel_ better. Her head was clearing up. She drank more, delighted.

Carth laughed softly. "You should see yourself; you look like you just found the secret of the universe."

"Oh, but I _did_. This stuff is amazing." She looked from her mug to him. "What is it?"

"That's a secret. Something Morgana came up with." He laid the datapad he was holding back on the table.

The name was ringing a bell, but she couldn't place it. "Morgana?"

"My wife." His answer was quick.

"Oh" She looked back at her mug. _Good job smartbrain_, she thought angrily.

He was looking at the table. "She used to make that drink for Dustil when he had nightmares."

"Dustil; your son" she said, her voiced barely louder than a whisper. She cursed herself silently for bringing this subject up. She knew how much he didn't want to talk about his family, how that usually made him all grumpy and sombre.

"Yes, my son." His voice was strangely cheerful.

She looked at him, puzzlement on her face. "Why the happy tone? That's unusual…"

He leaned forward, toward her, smile on his face. "That's because something good happened today. I met with an old friend from Telos. He told me he had seen Dustil alive and well on Korriban."

She gaped. _Alive_? Her eyes were wide open in bewilderment. She could see –and feel- now how the news had changed him. His smile was genuine, his eyes had a spark she had rarely seen before. He even looked younger. _Happier than you've ever seen him, _her mind pointed out. She smiled.

"Carth, I- That's incredible. I'm so happy for you." She placed her mug on the table and raised herself to hug him. The spontaneous gesture surprised him. _She's such a disarming woman, _he mentally stated. He enveloped her in his arms, bringing her closer to him.

She was the one to break the embrace. He let her go, half-willingly. She settled back on the couch and drank from the mug. He noticed that she was blushing, just before noticing that she wasn't wearing… much.

"Nice pyjamas, by the way."

She choked on her mouthful, coughing up the mixture that had ended in her lungs.

"I… hate you," she managed, between coughs. She wiped her hands on the sheet.

He laughed. "Here, have this." He took his sweater off and handed it to her. "You're freezing and this will give you some measure of… decency."

She was indeed shivering, goose bumps crawling on her skin. She thanked him, then took the sweater and put it on. It was warm and soft… And it smelled like him. _Almost like being hugged by him. Almost._ She felt herself blush as she took a deep breath. A smile on her face, she changed the subject. "So you're saying your son is alive?"

"Yes! I… I just can't believe it! Of all the things I'd imagined, it never occurred to me that he could have ended up in a Sith Academy… Anyway. I was looking at those datapads. They have information about the Sith and Sith academies… I was trying to find anything that would be useful for--" She threw him the sheet bundled in a knot.

"No need to go "Bastila" on me, flyboy. Here's the plan; we swap Manaan for Korriban, go into the Academy, grab your boy by the rear end of his trousers and haul him out of there. And while we're at it, we take a look at the Star Map before leaving. How about that?"

He tossed the sheet back to her and returned a grin as mischievous as the one she was displaying. "Sounds great, gorgeous, sounds great… What a great tactician you are."

She sniggered. "You have no idea."

Their laughter died and they fell silent. She broke the silence with a yawn.

"You should return to bed," he suggested.

She shrugged the idea off.

"I'm serious, you look exhausted." He paused. "I'm not the only one who noticed, you know… You need rest--"

"I don't want to go."

He took in a deep breath. "Artemis, you--"

"I'm staying here…" _With you_, she added mentally. _Your presence comforts me_. She looked at the floor, following the patterns with her eyes. She suddenly felt all the weight of her exhaustion, all the weight of their mission… _I'm so tired, yet when I sleep…_ She shivered. _I feel like crying…_

Silence covered them, interrupted by her occasional sniffing. Carth shifted uneasily on the couch. She got to her feet. "I'll do as you say." Her eyes were locked on the floor. "Good night Carth, and thanks." She looked at him for a moment and smiled wanly, before leaving the room without a sound.

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Once again, big thanks to Jiara and Kyla, and to the occasional reader who leaves a comment. I wrote this a while back and barely checked it since, but I'm taking the time to continue the upload because it seems a few persons still like it :)


	5. Chapter 05

Mission had been in the middle of a very nice dream when Bastila's voice brought her back to the real world. She opened one wary eye and saw the woman trying to get Artemis out of bed. She talked about all of them being lazy for not already being dressed and ready for another day. Artie threw a pillow at her and curled back into a sleeping position, mumbling. Juhani was sitting on her bed, sorting through her clothes. The Cathar woman jumped off and headed for the refresher, like she did every morning, unruffled by Bastila's sermon. Mission tried to make herself very small so Bastila wouldn't notice her.

"Mission."

She winced. Bastila had indeed seen her.

"Mission, get up, I need you to check the engines before we leave for Manaan."

It occurred to Mission that Bastila would stay as long as she didn't manifest herself. "Mhm, yeah, alright" she mumbled. "Gimme time to eat something and I'm at it…"

"Good." Bastila turned back to Artemis. "Now will you _get up_!" She let out an exasperated sigh.

Artemis stirred and sighed. "Yeah, yeah… I'm up…"

"Good, I'll go wake the others." Bastila left in a swoosh of her Jedi robes.

Mission looked at Artie. Her hair was a tangled mess and the shadows under her eyes were as persistent as their gizka invasion. She looked like hell. _Hell in a sweater too large for her_, she observed. Mission sat on the edge of her bed, absent-mindedly arranging her headtails in a comfortable position.

"Ugh. I don't envy them. Poor guys."

Artie snorted. "I would give anything to see Bastila trying to wake Canderous up."

"…or Zaalbar." They both snickered. Mission grabbed her pants and started to dress. "Y'know Artie, you really look like hell…"

Artemis got up and looked for the cleanest pair of pants she could find.

"I _am_ hell, Mission." She threw the twi'lek a falsely menacing look.

The young girl rolled her eyes, which caused Artie to laugh again. She had found a decent pair of pants and was jumping on one foot trying to fit the other leg through. "What I need… is a… a nice… warm… breakfast. You in?"

Mission nodded, grabbed her vest and followed Artie towards the common room.

When they both entered the common room, they found Canderous, Carth and Jolee in a laughing fit. Artie and Mission looked at them in befuddlement.

The twi'lek sat down on one of the chairs and Artemis straddled another, her arms resting on the chair's back. Both Canderous and Jolee gave Artie an inquisitive look, their eyes going from her sweater to her face and back again. She apparently ignored them, seeing how her eyes were busy studying the pile of food on the table. The older man turned his eyes to Carth and raised an eyebrow, while the Mandalorian simply smiled broadly at the pilot. All this unwanted attention made Carth shift uncomfortably and he was desperate for someone to speak of anything, really.

"So? What's going on?" Artemis snatched some food from the table and started eating.

Jolee, who had been laughing less than the other two, looked at them and explained. "I… I don't think Bastila will ever come to wake us up again."

Artemis leaned forward eagerly. "Oh? Do tell ush." Curiosity won over the simple matter of not talking with a mouthful.

"Well, first she decided to wake Zaalbar up. You guess he didn't quite like it. The commotion caused Canderous to come out of the refresher nak--"

"That is _enough_." Bastila's voice cut through the retelling of the morning's event like a lightsaber through butter. Nobody had heard her come in.

Artemis frowned. "Bad timing" she muttered to Mission, who nodded her assent. Juhani entered the room silently.

"Ah, Juhani." Bastila scanned the room. "I see there's only Zaalbar missing."

"I'll go get him!" Mission jumped to her feet and hurtled to the men's quarter. She came back minutes later, followed by her Wookiee friend. Artemis summoned T3 and HK-47 as well. Once the droids arrived, Artemis turned to Bastila. "Everyone is here. Now, what are the plans for today?"

Bastila consulted her datapad, even though she probably knew by heart what was written on the screen. "We have to discuss matters with the Jedi Masters. I'll need all Jedis present here for this matter." She eyed Juhani, Jolee and Artemis, who was still eating. "There's the ship's engine that needs a final check before we leave. Mission, can you take T3 and manage that?" The twi'lek nodded and T3 bleeped happily. "Finally, there are the inventories to check." Angry groans rose from Canderous and Zaalbar.

Juhani's lilting voice was heard. "All the medical and food supplies have already been checked. There's just the weaponry and combat equipment left."

Bastila went on. "Good. Canderous, Zaalbar, I trust those fall in your area of expertise? Carth, you know what to do; set us a course to Manaan."

Artemis coughed. "Hm, Bastila? Actually, we're going to Korriban first." Everyone but Carth and Juhani cast her inquisitive looks.

Bastila frowned. "Why the sudden course change?"

"Because some new matter-to-attend has come up." Artemis looked briefly at Carth, who nodded his assent. "Carth has learned from a sure source that his son is alive and on Korriban. Since we have to go through Korriban anyway, I thought it was no big deal to go there first, and then to Manaan. If everyone agrees, of course." She looked around at everyone.

Nobody voiced any objection. Jolee stated the obvious. "Unanimity."

They all remained tense, their eyes locked on Bastila, expecting her to refuse and go on another lecture

"Good, good…" Bastila looked at her datapad. "The change of destination doesn't affect any of our tasks. Let's get this done."

Bastila left and went on her business. Artemis waited until she was well out of earshot before turning devilish eyes to Jolee again.

"I believe we were interrupted… You were saying? I want to hear the end of the story…"

The old man sighed and resumed his retelling.

Before getting to his feet, the Mandalorian whispered one last comment, low enough to make sure that only the pilot would hear it.

"Hey, that's a nice sweater she has, looks just like the one you had on last night…"

Carth choked and Canderous' guffaw thundered out, timed with Artie's and Mission's laughs as both girls heard the end of Jolee's story.


End file.
